Waking up every day doing the same thing over and over it’s like an addiction. I am on autopilot to a slow car crash that I know is avoidable. I remember pivotal moments in my life when I knew what I should be doing and refused to do the right thing out of fear of the unknown. Continuing to live in that pattern or reality has bitten me in the ass, and I am so ready to be done with this cycle.
I know exactly what needs to be done, and it’s not so drastic. It is just consistency and discipline. Why do I doubt myself? I have done it before. It is difficult to grind in the gym every week, yet I do it. I need to translate that discipline into something with my mind. I no longer feel it is an option I have to create and express myself to feel alive. The Mundane feeling I have throughout my life regarding work is something I can no longer stand from myself. I have to do better for myself and my sanity.
Working for a dream that feels like it isn’t mine is a black hole I will do anything to avoid. I work in an organization, which many probably do, where you are chasing a carrot that you don’t even really want, but you see others obtaining the carrot, and you want to see what it is really like. Is it ego, or is it a sense of belonging? Why do I like it? Do I like it? The answer is a resounding no, but I have chased it. This point that never comes with…
